4 social media mistakes that can ruin relationships

Turns out that may not be such a great idea.

That’s because about half of partnered adults in the U.S. (those who are married, living together or in a committed relationship) say their partner is often or sometimes distracted by their cellphone when they’re talking to them, according to a 2020 Pew Research Center report called Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age. Forty percent say they are at least sometimes irked by the amount of time their partner is on their mobile device. And 34% have looked through their partner’s phone without their knowledge.

One such mobile device time suck? Social media. Another Pew study—Americans’ Social Media Use, published this year—found that about 83% of U.S. adults report having ever used YouTube. Facebook is also up there with 68% having used it. Instagram follows at 47%. U.S. adults 25 and older spend an average of 125 minutes a day on Tik Tok, Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat.

But this behavior is more than just turning off the world in favor of screentime. Feeling like your partner is paying more attention to the myriad social media apps available on their phone or mobile device and sharing information there can be destructive to a relationship.

“It really can be challenging to try to navigate,” says Katherine M. Hertlein, PhD, LMFT, and Professor at Wright State University. “One of the ways that it affects couples are the challenges to understanding what the boundaries are. For example, what are the rules in the relationship? Does it pertain to who you talk to or with whom you share information? Couples had a lot of agreements prior to getting together and clarity around what constituted a boundary violation. Typically that involves some sort of physical contact with another party. With the advent of the Internet, that became much less clear, and with the advent of social media that became even more challenging.”

The good news is that by being aware of so-called social media transgressions couples can identify them before they do real relationship damage.

Issue 1: Phubbing

Also called “phone snubbing,” says Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, voice behind @lizlistens and author of Til Stress Do Us Part and  I Want This to Work, this act occurs when one so intently scrolls through their social media feed that they ignore their partner, essentially tuning them…